Iattended my first meeting of an anonymous fellowship in 1975. I didn't understand much of what was said that night, but I saw many smiling, happy faces, which gave me something fantastic—the feeling of hope. So I gathered my courage and asked someone to be my sponsor. She said, "Yes," and I was thrilled.
    She told me to call her in the morning. So I did that faithfully for several months. We talked a lot about our problems and everything else. Occasionally we talked about the first three steps. I answered twenty-one questions that didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. I really didn't see a connection between my doing those questions and my problems and behaviors. I thought these questions were a waste of time, but I wanted to please my sponsor.

	We talked a lot about our problems and everything else.

    I wanted to belong. I thought the answer was to try even harder to control my behavior and to really dig out those hidden feelings inside me and then share them with my sponsor and at meetings.
    My sponsor told me not to do a Fourth Step. She told me I wasn't "ready." She said I hadn't taken the first three steps "perfectly" yet. Also, my own insecurities stopped me. I wasn't sure exactly how to go about doing an inventory. It seemed like such a monumental task! People told me that it took months and sometimes even years to complete. I just didn't think I could ever do it right.
    What happened next was inevitable—I had a big explosion and hurt myself. For months afterward, I tried to follow the physical program I had been given without any real success. I did everything that my very caring friends in that fellowship told me to do. I tried as hard as I could. I made phone calls and attended several meetings a week. I prayed, and I even took jobs at the meetings I attended.
    I tried different sponsors. I kept hoping that the right one would give me the magic words that would enable me to stop hurting myself. But, no matter how hard I tried, no matter how desperate I got, I still couldn't control my problems or behaviors. The more I failed, the more I hated myself.

Stopping my behavior before working the steps would be like not going to the doctor until after I was well!

    At this point, I suggested to my sponsor of the moment that maybe now I should go on to do the Fourth Step. However, my sponsor told me that I first had to stop my behavior. (I have come to understand that this is not what the program in the Big Book actually says. Stopping my behavior before working the steps would be like not going to the doctor until after I was well!)
    During the next nine years or so, I alternated between attending meetings (until I became too depressed by my repeated failures to keep going) and trying every other method I could find. Some worked for a while. However, at some point, I could no longer stay with it. I always quickly returned to my old ways.
    Over the years, I became increasingly filled with unhappiness, frustration, fear, and despair. It seemed that there was just no way out— I was convinced I was doomed.
(This story is continued in the next section of this newsletter.)

Then one day, in 1984, I went to a meeting that I didn't usually attend. I did this as part of a desperate attempt to follow a suggestion to go to ninety meetings in ninety days. I didn't know what else I could do to help myself.

	The pioneers' "clear-cut directions" for working the Twelve Steps are detailed in R.A.'s Multilith Big Book.

    At this meeting, I heard an R.A. member share that there really is a solution and that the Big Book thoroughly details this solution. This R.A. Member shared how to reach this solution. He said that someone needed to work all Twelve Steps, not just the first three.
    I immediately began to do R.A.'s Highlighting Introduction. Next, I began to attend R.A. meetings. Then, I began to go through R.A.'s Step Presentation. It was both a miracle and a revelation to me. I began to experience hope again, and although I wasn't entirely convinced it could work for me, I knew I had to give this process a chance.
    The pioneers' "clear-cut directions" for working the Twelve Steps are detailed in R.A.'s Multilith Big Book. I found this process, as I went through it, to be painless and beautiful. I can genuinely say my entire life has changed. I felt as if I had been fumbling around in a dark room all those years. Now, finally, someone had turned on the lights! I had always tried to change my problems and behaviors by disciplining my actions and rigidly controlling my attitudes. But, for me, those attempts had repeatedly ended in failure.
    On my own, I was powerless to change my attitudes, no matter how much I wanted to change them. However, fully working all Twelve Steps in R.A. did bring about an attitude change, which has, in turn, transformed my life. My actions changed when the attitudes behind my problems and behaviors changed. I have now learned that implementing all Twelve Steps, then, under God's direction and guidance, trying to practice these new principles in every aspect of my life has automatically brought about my change in behavior.

Fully working all Twelve Steps in R.A. did bring about an attitude change, which has, in turn, transformed my life.

    I had never understood that this program is a process—a package deal. I've learned that I can't make a cake by only putting in a few of the ingredients that the recipe calls for. At least not if I expect it to turn out the way that the recipe says it should. I've also learned that I couldn't take some of the steps and expect the same result produced by working all the steps.
    It was a revelation to recognize that I didn't have to postpone taking a step until I had completed the one before it to my definition of perfection. I now understand that this process must be done completely, not necessarily perfectly. I just do the best I can, and that's OK! I thoroughly follow the path that the pioneers wrote about. They recovered even though they didn't "maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles." The program still worked for them.
    Before I found Recoveries Anonymous, I had dismissed the possibility of ever having a relationship with any kind of God. I had not been able to find a faith that worked. However, I have discovered an all-powerful, loving, caring God through R.A.'s program. He is my Heavenly Father. I trust Him to take care of me and do for me what I had, for all my life, been unable to do for myself. Within Recoveries Anonymous, I now eagerly expect a fulfilling life of continued spiritual growth!

R.A.’s “How To Begin…” Guides
To find out more about our Twelve Step Fellowship, and how you can get started working the Twelve Steps of our Solution Focused Program of Recovery, we suggest that you visit our website and Download R.A.'s "How To Begin…" guides. This includes R.A.'s Newcomer Guide, "How To Begin Living In The Solution."

R.A.’s Solution Focused Books
    Move up to the next step in your search for recovery by downloading and reading the PDF versions of R.A.'s Solution Focused Books. We do not charge for the PDF versions of our books. Instead, we give the passwords needed to open our books to thank those who support our efforts to help others. You can show your support by making a small, one time, tax-free contribution to R.A., or, if you truly cannot afford to make a contribution at this time, by filling out our Feedback Form.
    If you are reading this, you have probably spent a lot of time and energy trying things that did not work out the way you hoped they would. Doesn't it make sense to invest a little more time and energy in this time-proven method of finding the recovery you've been seeking? As the pioneers promise in the Multilith Big Book: ''It works—it really does. Try it.''

R.A. Is Self-supporting
If R.A. has helped you, please consider making a contribution in support of our efforts to help others.

Recoveries Anonymous
For more information about Recoveries Anonymous visit our website at www.R-A.org